


Barriers

by minwrathous



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - School, Confessions, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Internal Conflict, M/M, Misunderstandings, Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 15:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minwrathous/pseuds/minwrathous
Summary: Hawke is at the top of his class at Jon Grissom Academy when a new student named Fenris arrives. Tattooed and frustratingly talented, Fenris soon becomes Hawke’s biggest competition - in Hawke’s mind, anyway. But is Hawke really feeling threatened? Or is he feeling something else entirely?





	Barriers

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a Prompt Fill over at Dragon Age Prompt Exchange [[link](http://dapromptexchange.tumblr.com/post/161178825474/hawke-is-sent-to-grissom-academy-for-biotics-when)]:  
>  _Hawke is sent to Grissom Academy for biotics when he is young. Bethany follows a few years later. Hawke is top of his class and very proud of his accomplishments but can be a bit cocky and has trouble making firm friends. Until a new student arrives - one with silver tattoos over his whole body that the other students claim is Eezo. Hawke is instantly smitten._

“Have you seen the new guy?”

Hawke’s vision was suddenly filled by the sight of Bethany leaning in over him. Hawke, who had been lying down on one of the observation benches, gave a startled yelp. The marbles he’d been lazily levitating over his head fell to the floor with a ping-ping-ping.

“Bethany,” Hawke said, clutching at his own chest. “What the fuck. How did you get so close?”

Bethany shrugged and pulled back enough so Hawke could sit up. She spun around as Hawke began to gather his marbles off of the floor. “I’ve been working on my weightless steps,” she said. Bethany had been at Jon Grissom Academy for a little over a year now, four years less than Hawke himself.

Bethany bent down to grab one of the marbles and spun it around in her palm. “And you didn’t answer my question, big brother. Have you seen the new guy?”

"What?” Hawke replied. He snatched the marble back from his sister and gave her an annoyed look. “There are a few _new guys_ now, and you know I don’t pay attention to the new recruits anyway.” Hawke stood up, shoved the marbles into the pocket of his uniform, and stretched.

“Yes, I know. You’re too important for any of the fresh meat, Mr. Top of the Class,” Bethany replied, rolling her eyes. “But this one just came in. Older than the others, and just...you have to see him. He has these tattoos!”

Hawke rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so what? Half the upperclassmen have tattoos.”

“You don’t,” Bethany pointed out. “But that doesn’t matter! I”m not talking about some stupid skulls or whatever. These tattoos are different! The rumor is they’re made of _eezo_.”

Hawke gave her an incredulous look. “Bullshit,” he said.

Bethany merely glared back at him. “Go see for yourself,” she said, her words a challenge. She was one of the few students here at Grissom that wouldn’t back down from Hawke’s hard gaze.

“Fine,” he said, and shrugged. He’d just have to see what she was so worked up about. 

* * *

Hawke got his chance later that afternoon at the start of his advanced applications lesson.

“Attention, please,” Rhys, the instructor, said. “We have a new student joining us this afternoon.” He motioned at the door while Hawke looked up in interest. Who was jumping up into this advanced level now? “Everyone, this is Fenris.”

Hawke sat up a little straighter as the new student walked through the door. Oh...wow. He was lean, with brown skin and slicked-back white hair. What stood out were the guy’s tattoos - they covered his arms and went all the way up his neck. Bright white, with only the tiniest sheen of blue. Hawke’s mouth went a little dry as Bethany’s words rang in his head.

_The rumor is they’re made of eezo._

Hawke had to admit that the tattoos were impressive, though there was still no fucking way this guy had element zero in his skin. Hawke kept staring, unable to focus on whatever Rhys was saying about Fenris. His eyes followed the other boy as he gave an awkward bow and moved to an empty seat without saying a word.

The empty seat, of course, was right next to Hawke. Oh, shit. Hawke blinked and gave a slight nod of greeting to him. Fenris looked away. 

* * *

Fenris was a mystery. He was in Hawke’s advanced applications class, as well as two of his other upper-level courses. But Bethany said he was taking the same general education courses as her. What kind of weird curriculum was _that_?

“Why are you so bent out of shape?” Bethany asked. It was Wednesday - the day they both always had lunch together. (It was also the only day that Hawke didn’t have lunch by himself.)

“I’m not,” Hawke replied. “It’s just weird.”

“Worried about the competition?” she asked.

“What do you mean by that?” Hawke asked, bristling at her suggestion.

“You’re not the only one people are too intimidated to talk to anymore.”

Hawke made a face, though he didn’t deny that she was right. 

* * *

Hawke hummed softly to himself as he headed toward the observation deck. He held onto his marbles, letting them clink together his in palm as he walked. He had a spare bit of time, and thought it would be nice to relax in his usual spot. As he turned the corner, however, he was surprised to find that his spot was otherwise occupied.

Fenris sat on Hawke’s bench, legs pulled up against his chest. His back was to Hawke as he gazed silently out the large window. Hawke stopped and stared, some strange feeling welling up in his chest. There was something about the angle at which Fenris held his head that transfixed Hawke. It was in the line of his neck, and the delicate shape of his strange tattoos. Hawke bit his lip.

As quiet as Hawke was, Fenris must have noticed his presence. He turned around and gave Hawke a curious look. The unknown emotion inside of Hawke vanished like smoke and was quickly replaced with annoyance. This was Hawke’s spot; _he’d_ always come here to relax, and now…

Hawke frowned and turned away without saying a word.

* * *

Fenris was still a mystery, and was quickly becoming a thorn in Hawke’s side.

Things started going downhill in that same advanced applications class. It was a ‘practical usage’ day, which in normal words meant that the students actually got to _use_ their biotics for once. Hawke usually liked these days because they were a chance for him to demonstrate his skills. His high grades and top test results were one thing, but it was another to actually show everybody just how strong of a biotic Garrett Hawke was.

That’s how it used to go, anyway.

This time, they were challenged to form a Singularity strong enough to lift a set of weights set in the middle of the practice room. Hawke got it working on his second try, but the field wasn’t quite strong enough to lift all of the weights. It was the best showing out of all of them. Well, almost all of them.

Fenris barely took five seconds to form his Singularity. It ripped the weights from their place on the floor and set them floating into an orbit like they were nothing. Their classmates stared at Fenris in awe while Hawke silently seethed. Fenris merely looked embarrassed.

That moment stuck in Hawke’s craw for the rest of the week. How had he done it so easily?? And then to shy away from the attention it got him? Ugh.

To make matters even worse, Fenris seemed to have taken up permanent residence at Hawke’s observation deck window. Every time Hawke would walk by to see if it was empty, he’d see that same snowy white head of hair. Hawke would grit his teeth and stalk away. It never even crossed his mind that he could always try sharing the bench.

* * *

“You have a problem,” Bethany said, picking at her lunch.

“I do have a problem. His name is Fenris,” Hawke grumbled.

“Yes, and you’re being an ass. So he’s a better biotic than you. So what? You can’t be the best at _everything_ .” Bethany rolled her eyes.

“I’m not jealous,” Hawke replied, and stabbed his fork into dinner roll on his tray.

“I never said you were. Why don’t you just go talk to him or something?” Bethany sighed.

“He doesn’t talk to people,” Hawke replied, ignoring the fact that he didn’t really talk to people either.

“Have you even tried?” she immediately responded.

Hawke shoved the roll into his mouth and was silent.

* * *

It all came to a head a few weeks later.

In tactics class, the students were tasked with sparring with one another. It was a good way to burn off excess energy, as well as keeping up a healthy spirit of competition. Plus, they needed to know what it was actually like to use biotics one-on-one. Or that’s what their instructor insisted, at least.

Hawke was usually a fan of these days as well. Much like the application of biotics, he excelled at biotic combat. And this time, he knew he’d be able to show that he was still the best. There was no way that Fenris was going to beat him at this too.

Hawke watched the first few matches between his other classmates and silently took notes on how they all could improve themselves. Hawke’s first match was against Anders, whom he’d been friendly with the first year or so of his time here at Grissom. They’d drifted apart, but were still cordial enough with one another. That didn’t stop Hawke from soundly defeating him in about a minute.

Fenris was up next, sparring against a girl named Petra. Hawke had seen Fenris speaking with the instructor beforehand, and the conversation had seemed rather heated. Whatever it had been about, Fenris seemed displeased with the results. He was slow to respond to Petra’s initial attacks, almost like he was reluctant to hit back. After a few minutes of dodging, Fenris finally pinned her with a single push and ended the match.

There were a few more rounds before Hawke was called up again. He wasn’t surprised to find he was facing Fenris next. They might as well get it over with, right? The best match. Hawke adjusted his padding, tightening it around his chest. “All right,” Hawke said, bouncing a little as he looked over at Fenris. “Let’s make this good, huh?”

Fenris frowned back at him.

“What? You don’t want to fight me?” Hawke asked, and smirked. He built a Barrier around himself and waited for the signal to go.

“No,” Fenris replied, frown deepening.

Wait, was this their first actual exchange of words? Huh. Hawke kept smirking. “I wouldn’t want to fight me either,” he said.

“That’s enough, Garrett,” the instructor said. “Ready up, Fenris.” Fenris sighed and nodded. And with that, they began.

Hawke surged forward. At the same time, he sent out a Lash to grab Fenris. He wasn’t pulling any punches; it would be better to end this quickly. Much to Hawke’s surprise, the Lash failed to take hold of Fenris; it was torn apart by some sort of spiked Barrier. Hawke changed his trajectory and skirted around the edge of it.

Fenris watched him and Hawke could see the slight blue pulse coming from his tattoos. Hawke narrowed his eyes and pulled his focus together to form a Warp around Fenris’s Barrier. It squeezed in, throwing off blue and purple sparks. Fenris grimaced, and while the Barrier began to shrink, it did not shatter.

“C’mon,” Hawke said. He crouched down and began to pool energy below Fenris as well. He’d just fucking pick him up and try a Slam on him. Fenris wobbled a little on his feet and gave a surprised grunt. “You can’t just hide in a bubble the whole time.”

“I’m not hiding,” Fenris replied. His Barrier shattered outward, causing Hawke’s Warp to dissipate. He pushed back down on Hawke’s field, countering the Slam, and slid across the floor with speed Hawke hadn’t been expecting.

“Shit!” Hawke hissed. He jumped back just in time to avoid Fenris sweeping his legs out from under him. He caught hold of Fenris with a Pull and tried to maneuver him back around. Fenris spun around midair and reversed Hawke’s own Pull on him. Hawke was yanked off of his feet and went flying toward Fenris.

Fine. Fine! Let him Pull him in. Hawke put his own energy into the move as well, making himself accelerate. He gathered energy at his arm to form an even thicker Barrier, perfect for knocking Fenris down. Fenris was surprised by the sudden burst of speed. Hawke grinned as Fenris’s startled face came into sharp focus. _Oh, his eyes are green,_ he thought to himself.

BOOM

Hawke felt the collision through his entire body as smacked into an invisible wall. His teeth rattled as their Barriers reacted like they’d set off a Nova together. Hawke ricocheted off the edge of it, limbs flailing as he tumbled through the air. He hit the training room wall with a sickening crack and his own personal Barrier shattered.

“No!!” he heard a pained voice cry. Was that Fenris?

And then, everything went black. 

* * *

“You’re lucky it’s just your arm,” Wynne, the chief medical officer, said with pursed lips.

Hawke was lying on top of a small bed in the medbay, his left arm set in a cast. He’d woken up as they were setting it, and passed out again right after. Now, he was more awake and nursing what felt like a whole-body bruise.

“How long will it take to fully heal?” he asked, looking down.

“Give it a few weeks,” Wynne replied. “You should regain full function.”

“All right,” Hawke said, and nodded. “Thank you…”

“Just be more careful,” she said. “I know you recruits like to tussle it out, but you have to be cautious with these high level stunts. You tell the other boy to tone it down,” she tutted.

“I will…” He thought of Fenris, and those green eyes that had been so wide with fear.

* * *

Hawke was discharged from the medbay and found a blubbering Bethany waiting for him.

“Garrett, you moron! I was so worried. They said you smashed into a wall. Emile was saying that somebody saw your brains leaking out.” She was clinging to his good arm and trying not to cry.

“C’mon, Bethy, you know better than that,” Hawke replied.

“I know,” she sniffled. “You don’t have brains. How could they leak?”

“I meant that we wear helmets for sparring,” Hawke replied dryly. He nudged her with his good shoulder. “I’m okay, really. Just a messed-up arm.”

Bethany glared at him, but was otherwise placated. The two of them walked back to his room. Bethany insisted on helping him tidy up and even offered to bring him food back from the mess. Hawke declined.

“I think I’m just going to relax for now,” he said.

“Good,” she said. “And...promise me you’ll let this Fenris thing go. Please?”

“What Fenris thing?” he asked.

“The thing. The rivalry. You’re just going to get hurt if you try to fight him again, Garrett.”

“What? I wasn’t…” Hawke frowned. He hadn’t even considered trying to fight Fenris again. Not like this, anyway. Did she think he had some sort of honor he needed to avenge? Wait, _did he_?

“Good!” Bethany exclaimed. “Because it’s stupid. And besides, I heard he was really upset after you smacked into that wall. They had to get somebody to calm him down when they came to take you away to the medbay.”

“Really?” Hawke asked. He blinked at her and thought back to Fenris’s eyes again.

* * *

Once Bethany was satisfied he was going to be fine on his own, she left him to get back to her work. Hawke shoved his marbles into his pocket and immediately left his room; he knew where he needed to go.

Hawke found himself on the observation deck again. As always, Fenris was sitting on the bench and staring off into the stars. He ignored the soreness in his arm as he watched the back of the other boy’s head. This time when Fenris turned to look at him, Hawke didn’t flee. Fenris’s eyes widened and he spun fully around on the bench.

“Hawke,” Fenris said, and the sound of his voice shivered its way down Hawke’s spine. “I’m sorry. I...I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to…” He was standing up from the bench and wringing his hands.

Hawke watched Fenris’s hands for a second, then flicked his eyes up to look at his face. His usual stoic expression was nowhere to be found, his features instead drawn in worry. “It’s okay,” Hawke said, shaking his head. And he found that that was how he really felt.

“It was an accident,” Hawke continued, and took a step forward. Fenris was watching him, still worried. “I came at you with everything I had, but your shield was better.” He shrugged his uninjured shoulder. “It’s not your fault I bounced off.”

“Oh,” Fenris said. Clearly, he’d been expecting Hawke’s anger. Now that he was getting something else, he seemed unsure of what to do.

Hawke wasn’t sure what he was doing either. He just knew that he wasn’t mad. Quite the opposite, really. Something had changed that afternoon. Bethany would probably say that the wall knocked some sense into Hawke, but Hawke knew it hadn’t been the wall. It had been that look of fear on Fenris’s face, right before Hawke had gone flying.

And now that Hawke was standing here, he found he wasn’t annoyed (or jealous) anymore. He was curious, and kind of excited. He wanted to grill Fenris, to ask him how he had so much fucking power. He wanted to pick his brain and figure out if he’d be willing to help Hawke get better too. He wanted… he just wanted to talk to Fenris.

“You mind if I sit with you?” Hawke asked.

Fenris’s eyes widened, and it took him a moment to answer. “No,” he replied. “I mean, it’s okay. Please, sit.” He spun around and sat down again, but not before Hawke thought he saw a slight flush to his cheeks.

“Thanks,” Hawke said, and carefully made his way over to the bench. He pulled his marbles out of his pocket before he sat down next to Fenris. He set them to spinning above his hand as he looked out the window. Fenris sat quietly next to him. It was kind of nice, actually. There was a comfortable distance between them, and if one of them reached out, he’d be able to touch the other.

“So…” Hawke said, glancing over at him from the corner of his eye. Fenris was looking back at him. “Are your tattoos really made of eezo?” 

* * *

Hawke never got a straight answer to his question. Fenris had given him a strange look and replied that it was ‘classified’. Well, that wasn’t a _no_ , so Hawke would choose to keep on believing. But taking Fenris’s response as a hint, Hawke had moved on to a new subject.

It was awkward at first. Idle conversation wasn’t Hawke’s forté. And as they stumbled through their small talk, he came to find that Fenris was even more hopeless than himself. That was what saved them in the end; they were both so bad at it that neither could really blame the other.

They parted ways some time later. Hawke waved with his uninjured arm and Fenris waved back.

The next day, nobody noticed when they exchanged brief nods at the start of class. The rest of the students were too busy staring at Hawke’s cast and whispering about yesterday’s disastrous display. Hawke tuned them out and focused on the lesson instead. He did let himself sneak a few glances over at Fenris. Once, the other boy noticed him and they both had to awkwardly look away.

Hawke surprised them both by approaching Fenris’s desk just after class was dismissed. “Hey,” he said. He was impressed by how normal he sounded. “Fenris. Uh...you want to sit together at lunch?” he asked.

Fenris looked up at him, confused. “What?”

“Lunch,” Hawke said, and scratched the back of his head. “Today. You and me, with food. I, uh… I normally sit alone. Thought it might be nice not to,” he admitted.

“Oh.” Fenris blinked. He hesitated, as if he were still confused by the concept.

And...now that Hawke thought about it, Hawke wasn’t sure if he’d ever really seen Fenris in the cafeteria during meals. Before Hawke could ask about where Fenris usually ate, Fenris gave his answer.

“Yes, Hawke. I’d like that.”

Now, the two of them sitting and enjoying lunch together later that day… _that_ got people talking. Hawke noticed the curious looks, maybe a few blatant stares. He couldn’t hear the whispering for himself, but he had a feeling there was plenty of gossip going around as well. None of it really mattered though - Hawke thought he might finally be making a friend.

* * *

They slowly began to settle into a routine. An exchange of greetings during class. Lunch together. Nodding at one another while passing in the hallway. Most days, they would meet after class at the observation deck window. Some of the time, they would quietly do school work next to one another. But other times, they would just talk.

Hawke wasn’t even sure what they talked about half of the time. Biotics. School work. Books. The latest vids. There were a few subjects that Hawke had learned were off-limits with Fenris: his life before coming to Grissom, and his tattoos. Any inquiries were met with furtive glances away, followed by a stony silence. Hawke burned with curiosity, but he kept it to himself. It was only fair that Fenris get to enjoy his privacy. Maybe with time, he’d come to share with Hawke on his own.

Hawke did learn that Fenris shared classes with Bethany because his general education was a few levels behind. Hawke figured it had something to do with the past he didn’t talk about. Hawke didn’t make a big deal about it at all; instead, he just offered a helping hand when the other boy seemed to be struggling.

It was strange how comfortable things were becoming between them. Maybe Hawke just wasn’t used to having friends. But he’d learned how to make Fenris laugh. And wow, the change that came over Fenris when he laughed? There was this sort of way his nose would wrinkle up, and his whole face seemed to soften. If it was strange that Hawke thought about these little things, Hawke didn’t notice.

He also didn’t notice the way Fenris sometimes tilted his head and looked at him in return.

“You like him, don’t you?” Bethany asked. It was two months later, and the two of them were having their Wednesday lunch together.

“What? Like who?” Hawke stared at her like she’d grown a second head.

“Fenris, stupid,” she replied, wrinkling her nose. She nodded over to where Fenris sat across the cafeteria - alone. “Who else do you even talk to?”

“Like him? What? We’re...friends,” Hawke said, and the word sounded awkward when he said it. He looked over to Fenris and found he could only see the white mop of his hair. The other boy was bent over his datapad.

“Friends, sure,” Bethany said with a snort. “Do you look at all of your friends like that?”

“Like what?” Hawke bristled.

“That was a trick, by the way. You don’t have any other friends besides Fenris. And Fenris... you look at him like...oh, I don’t know, Garrett! You just get this _look_ !” Bethany exclaimed. “Like you want to kiss him or something. _Have_ you kissed him?? Wait, don’t tell me. I’m your sister so I don’t think I want to know.”

“You’re seeing things, Bethy,” Hawke replied. “How do you know what it looks like when somebody wants to kiss somebody else??” When she rolled her eyes, Hawke narrowed his eyes. “And no, I haven’t, I’m not...I’m not even gay,” he hissed, his voice low.

Bethany wasn’t convinced. “Wow. You sure told me,” she said, and picked at her food. “It’s okay if you are, Garrett. I don’t think anybody here would care.”

“I’m not,” he insisted. He wasn’t, right?? He was sixteen, so shouldn’t he already know that sort of thing? And wait...he wasn’t really entertaining this, was he? Hawke let out a frustrated grunt and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Whatever you say,” Bethany sighed. “If you’re not, then you’re not. But when you finally do kiss Fenris, I decided I do want to know about it.”

“Bethany,” he groaned.

She simply shrugged and took another bite of her lunch.

* * *

Hawke’s talk with Bethany weighed on his mind later that day. And the next day. And the day after that. He tried to keep to their routine, but it was becoming difficult. The more he tried to push it from his mind, the more he thought about it. Pretty soon, Fenris was going to start noticing that something was off, and Hawke didn’t want that. It was getting harder and harder to act like everything was normal.

And so, a few days later, he found himself making his way to the observation deck after class to meet Fenris. The two of them had decided earlier that they’d practice their biotics together. No sparring, of course. Just exercises. And now that it was time to meet him again, Hawke was just...nervous. As he approached the observation deck, he felt like his stomach was turning in knots. Why?! They’d done this a few times already.

Fenris was already sitting on their usual bench, looking out at the stars. Hawke opened his mouth to call out to him, but the words died in his throat. He found himself stopping in place and just _looking_ at Fenris.

Fenris was sitting on the bench, hugging his knees to his chest as usual. Hawke saw him only from behind. His snowy white hair looked shaggy, in need of a trim. It curled up slightly at the base of his neck. Hawke could see some of the lines of his tattoos as they disappeared below the fabric of his dark shirt. Hawke bit his lip at the feeling that little bit of bare skin gave him. That...that wasn’t a normal _friend_ feeling, was it?

Shit. _Shit_ . Had he been thinking these thoughts this whole time? And thinking it was normal? Back before their fight, Hawke had been fixated on Fenris. Hawke had created this one-sided rivalry in his head. He’d just assumed it was because Fenris was new. Different. Talented. He’d seen Fenris’s presence as a challenge. But was that really what it had been? Maybe, even then, it had been something _else_.

Hawke took a step back. He didn’t think he could do this right now. Another step. He needed to think about this somewhere else. Somewhere he wouldn’t be distracted by the sight of Fenris.

“Hawke?”

Shit! Hawke winced and halted his retreat. Fenris had noticed his presence and was turned around on the bench. There was a curious look on his face, his dark eyebrows raised questioningly. And for a moment, Hawke just let himself _feel_.

Fenris was hot. So hot.

“Is something wrong?” Fenris asked as Hawke continued to stare at him.

“I. Uh… No, no. Nothing wrong.” Hawke shook his head. From the expression on Fenris’s face, Hawke knew he wasn’t doing a very good job at being convincing. But how was he supposed to tell Fenris that he’d only just realized he might be a little gay? Hawke cleared his throat and tried to look relaxed.

Eyebrow still raised, Fenris tilted his head to give him a curious look. “Is it your arm?” he asked. Even though the cast had been taken off weeks ago, Fenris still worried over Hawke’s arm. “We don’t have to practice today if you’re not feeling well…”

“No, it’s fine,” Hawke quickly replied. “Let’s just. Uh. Let’s just try it, like we planned.”

Fenris shrugged and stood up from the bench, and Hawke had to bite his lip as the other boy adjusted his shirt. Dammit. Maybe he should have feigned an illness. It wasn’t really a lie - his stomach was doing flips as they both moved to stand in front of the window. They both stopped and turned so they were facing one another. Fenris held his arms outstretched, his hands bent so his palms were toward Hawke.

Hawke mirrored the position and focused on calming himself. Their hands were inches apart now, and for a second Hawke wondered what it would be like to reach forward and close that gap. Were Fenris’s hands warm? They looked like they might be a little rough… DAMMIT. That was not calming. He pushed the thought away and instead began to form a Barrier.

Fenris did the same, and soon the two Barriers were butting up against one another. Hawke’s shimmered a bright purple while Fenris’s was closer to blue. It still had those strange spikes Hawke had first noticed during their fight. Okay. Focus. He locked eyes with the other boy and felt a brief jolt as their biotic energy started to flow together. Their Barriers began to merge, blues and purples drifting into one another.

Hawke felt a brief giddy rush at how quickly they’d managed to do it this time. And deep down he knew this Barrier was tougher than either of theirs were individually. It really was impressive. He grinned over at Fenris, his own conflicted feelings momentarily forgotten. And when Fenris smiled back at him, Hawke nearly lost control. Shit. No, not nearly - he was losing control. The Barrier wavered, flashing in and out. Shit!

Hawke pulled his hands back and the Barrier dissipated with a pop of energy. He turned from Fenris with a curse and looked out the window instead. His heart was pounding in his chest. Damn it, Bethany. Why did she have to go and put these thoughts in his head?!

“Hawke?” Fenris was close to him now. “What happened? Are you sure you’re all right?” There was a hint of worry in his voice and Hawke wanted to kick himself for putting it there.

“Yeah,” Hawke said. He crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath. Easy, Garrett. Easy. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. I just…lost it for a second.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Fenris said lightly. “It worked well for a moment. We can try again another time. Unless...you don’t wish to.”

Hawke frowned. “No,” he replied. “No. I…I want to. I’m just...” How could he explain this? Hawke had come to enjoy having Fenris as a friend. He didn’t want to risk scaring him off by admitting what Hawke was only just figuring out for himself. “It’s complicated,” he said.

“Complicated?” Fenris repeated. Hawke heard his footsteps as Fenris moved closer.

“Y-yeah,” Hawke replied. He chanced a quick look to the side. Fenris stood beside him, close but not too close.

“Mm,” Fenris hummed. Though they’d talked quite a bit, Hawke supposed they’d never gotten very good at talking about feelings. Hawke wasn’t the type, and he had an inkling that Fenris was the same way. So...how could he be expected to handle this? Should he even try?

“Fenris,” Hawke said. “We’re...we’re friends, right?” He turned his head to look at Fenris in earnest and found the other boy looking back at him with wide eyes.

“I believe so,” Fenris replied. He tilted his head again and some of his white hair fell over his eyes. Hawke wanted to brush it back. “I...have never really had friends,” he added after a moment.

“Me either. I’ve always been too...busy, I guess,” Hawke admitted. It was a simplification, but it was honest. “But I...I think we are. I hope we are.”

“I do too,” Fenris said, his voice soft.

“Good,” Hawke said. “So, if I told you that I…” Wait. What was he doing? Why was his mouth betraying him like this? “If I told you that I think I like you, would that change things?” Hawke blurted out and immediately winced.

Fenris blinked at him. “That you...like me?” he repeated, almost like he didn’t understand what it meant. It took him a moment. “Oh,” he breathed. His brow furrowed and Hawke felt his stomach drop.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hawke said. “Forget I said anything. I’m just being stupid.” He laughed, and it almost sounded like a sob.

“It isn’t stupid,” Fenris said, his eyes narrowed. “Nobody has ever told me they liked me before.” His green eyes were boring holes into Hawke and Hawke couldn’t look away. “Do you mean it?” Fenris asked.

“Yes,” Hawke said, his heart still pounding. Wait...he wasn’t being rejected? And...did Fenris’s cheek seem a little flushed? Oh. He hadn’t considered _this_ at all. He uncrossed his arms and tentatively held out his hand.

Fenris looked at Hawke’s hand warily for a moment before cautiously reaching out and touching it with his own. His fingers moved over Hawke’s, warm and calloused. They looked at one another, both still a little unsure.

“I think I like you too,” Fenris said. They let their fingers twine together.

“Oh,” Hawke said, feeling weak. “That’s...wow.” He sagged a little bit, thought he kept his light grip on Fenris’s hand. Wow, he must sound pretty stupid. He let out a relieved laugh and hoped it didn’t change Fenris’s mind. He was pleased to find Fenris laughing with him. They stayed like that together, both laughing at the sheer absurdity of the last few minutes. Hawke was never going to hear the end of it from Bethany when she found out about this, was he?

“I don’t know where it goes from here,” Hawke admitted once he’d calmed himself down. He was just happy to be holding Fenris’s hand.

“Me either,” Fenris replied. He squeezed Hawke’s hand and Hawke felt a fluttering in his chest.

They’d figure it out eventually. For now, it was good to just stand next to one another, hand-in-hand, and looking out at the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it was enjoyable! Honestly, I found this one to be pretty challenging. This is my first AU work, and my first time writing a more 'serious' Hawke (who isn't quite comfortable with himself yet). I know there's a bit of mystery still left regarding Fenris, but I felt like this one ended where it needed to. I might go back and write a follow-up to this someday, probably from Fenris's perspective.


End file.
